Comments on: Being Alone http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/being-alone/ A Mormon with a Christ-Centered Perspective on GID Fri, 18 Sep 2009 15:06:49 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: sweetisthepeace http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/being-alone/#comment-109 sweetisthepeace Fri, 25 Jul 2008 16:36:27 +0000 http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/?p=31#comment-109 Another thing, Danny---if you are married, and if your wife is not one of those three people, please share this with her. One of the biggest mistakes I made was keeping this to myself for so long. I was surprised that when I did tell my wife, one of the strongest negative feelings she had was not about the GID itself. She felt betrayed that I had kept it a secret from her for so long. And while I won't pretend it's easy, it has been a great blessing to not bear this burden alone anymore. Another thing, Danny—if you are married, and if your wife is not one of those three people, please share this with her. One of the biggest mistakes I made was keeping this to myself for so long. I was surprised that when I did tell my wife, one of the strongest negative feelings she had was not about the GID itself. She felt betrayed that I had kept it a secret from her for so long. And while I won’t pretend it’s easy, it has been a great blessing to not bear this burden alone anymore.

]]> By: sweetisthepeace http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/being-alone/#comment-108 sweetisthepeace Fri, 25 Jul 2008 03:52:09 +0000 http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/?p=31#comment-108 Danny, thank you so much for leaving that comment. You have no idea what a tremendous relief I feel to finally find somebody who feels like I do. I really wish I could give you better, more complete answers. I hope you read some more of my posts. I think you will be able to relate to a lot of my feelings. The best advice I have is, yes, you probably should talk to your Bishop---not because you have committed some sin you need to "confess." Please don't feel guilty just for feeling this way. It is not a sin to have an affinity for feminine things. But it's important to always be anchored in the Gospel, and by anchored I mean, knowing those things that the Lord has specifically forbidden. If you counsel with your Bishop, he can help you understand what the official Church policy is on some things, and then you have a framework within which to work. Within that framework, I truly believe that it's okay to try and see what helps you. I mentioned a few things in <a href="http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/2008/01/18/the-beginning-is-not-the-end/" rel="nofollow">this post</a> that help me. I'm not saying that all (or even any) of these things are right for you. That's between you and the Lord. The most important thing is turning to the Savior and trusting in Him. I can honestly say that one of the most important and hlepful things I have done is intense daily scripture study every single day in an unbroken chain for about two years. Among other things, that has allowed me to receive personal revelation so that I can recognize the voice of the Spirit. This helps me to know, by that same voice, what is acceptable to the Lord and what is not in my individual circumstances. Please come back often. I would love to hear about your journey and your progress. It means so much to me to finally feel like somebody can read these pages and really say "Yes, that's exactly what I've felt."* If there is anything you don't feel comfortable posting for the world to see, you can e-mail me at sweetisthepeace gmail com. *That's not to say I don't appreciate the beautiful comments from MoSop, CP and Samantha, who have all had some beautiful, insightful and encouraging things to say here. And of course, there is Fife who has also been a great find, and who I hope to hear from again. I hope all of you keep coming back and leaving your comments. Danny, thank you so much for leaving that comment. You have no idea what a tremendous relief I feel to finally find somebody who feels like I do. I really wish I could give you better, more complete answers. I hope you read some more of my posts. I think you will be able to relate to a lot of my feelings.

The best advice I have is, yes, you probably should talk to your Bishop—not because you have committed some sin you need to “confess.” Please don’t feel guilty just for feeling this way. It is not a sin to have an affinity for feminine things. But it’s important to always be anchored in the Gospel, and by anchored I mean, knowing those things that the Lord has specifically forbidden. If you counsel with your Bishop, he can help you understand what the official Church policy is on some things, and then you have a framework within which to work. Within that framework, I truly believe that it’s okay to try and see what helps you. I mentioned a few things in this post that help me. I’m not saying that all (or even any) of these things are right for you. That’s between you and the Lord. The most important thing is turning to the Savior and trusting in Him. I can honestly say that one of the most important and hlepful things I have done is intense daily scripture study every single day in an unbroken chain for about two years. Among other things, that has allowed me to receive personal revelation so that I can recognize the voice of the Spirit. This helps me to know, by that same voice, what is acceptable to the Lord and what is not in my individual circumstances.

Please come back often. I would love to hear about your journey and your progress. It means so much to me to finally feel like somebody can read these pages and really say “Yes, that’s exactly what I’ve felt.”* If there is anything you don’t feel comfortable posting for the world to see, you can e-mail me at sweetisthepeace gmail com.

*That’s not to say I don’t appreciate the beautiful comments from MoSop, CP and Samantha, who have all had some beautiful, insightful and encouraging things to say here. And of course, there is Fife who has also been a great find, and who I hope to hear from again. I hope all of you keep coming back and leaving your comments.

]]> By: Danny http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/being-alone/#comment-107 Danny Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:14:10 +0000 http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/?p=31#comment-107 Wow, the timeliness of starting this blog couldn't be better. Since I was very young I've wanted to be a woman. It's not something I decided to feel, but I feel it anyway. It's a feeling that is stronger at times, weaker at times, but it never really goes away. It's frustrating. Sometimes I cry because I wish I could be a woman. Sometimes I cry because I wish I didn't have to feel this way at all. I feel pretty sure that even though the process would be long and hard, SRS would ultimately help me feel like I belong. Then I could feel like myself--like who I am on the inside is the same person as who I am outside. That would all be well and good, but because of my faith (I'm also Mormon) I can't in good conscience tell myself that SRS is the answer. I'm sure there are GID members of the church who feel like they are held back by the church or by their family from being who they are. I'm not that kind of person. While I don't know much about official church policy and so forth, I feel in my soul that God doesn't want me to go through SRS. And that's really hard. It scares me to think that in the future sometime when I feel especially weak and vulnerable, I'll come to believe that I should seek SRS. It scares me that every day of my life I'll have to choose between loving God and being a woman. I've only told three people about how I feel (if you don't count this one occasion of anonymous blog posting). I haven't told anyone in my family. I haven't spoken to a bishop before. Should I? Are there ways to satiate my feelings without doing something contrary to God's will? I never thought I would ever hear of other believing members of the church who have GID, and I'm guessing the number of people is small anyway. It's a relief to know that there are not only other people with GID, but there are also church members who choose to be true to their faith while still feeling GID. Sweetisthepeace, thanks for starting this blog. Wow, the timeliness of starting this blog couldn’t be better. Since I was very young I’ve wanted to be a woman. It’s not something I decided to feel, but I feel it anyway. It’s a feeling that is stronger at times, weaker at times, but it never really goes away. It’s frustrating. Sometimes I cry because I wish I could be a woman. Sometimes I cry because I wish I didn’t have to feel this way at all. I feel pretty sure that even though the process would be long and hard, SRS would ultimately help me feel like I belong. Then I could feel like myself–like who I am on the inside is the same person as who I am outside.
That would all be well and good, but because of my faith (I’m also Mormon) I can’t in good conscience tell myself that SRS is the answer. I’m sure there are GID members of the church who feel like they are held back by the church or by their family from being who they are. I’m not that kind of person. While I don’t know much about official church policy and so forth, I feel in my soul that God doesn’t want me to go through SRS. And that’s really hard. It scares me to think that in the future sometime when I feel especially weak and vulnerable, I’ll come to believe that I should seek SRS. It scares me that every day of my life I’ll have to choose between loving God and being a woman.
I’ve only told three people about how I feel (if you don’t count this one occasion of anonymous blog posting). I haven’t told anyone in my family. I haven’t spoken to a bishop before. Should I? Are there ways to satiate my feelings without doing something contrary to God’s will? I never thought I would ever hear of other believing members of the church who have GID, and I’m guessing the number of people is small anyway. It’s a relief to know that there are not only other people with GID, but there are also church members who choose to be true to their faith while still feeling GID.
Sweetisthepeace, thanks for starting this blog.

]]> By: sweetisthepeace http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/being-alone/#comment-81 sweetisthepeace Sat, 12 Jul 2008 14:41:37 +0000 http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/?p=31#comment-81 Thank you both for visiting. Smantha, I sent you an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you. MoSop, I think you really articulated something that I didn't articulate very well. When somebody new moves into our ward (which happens pretty frequently---we have a fairly transient ward), I don't want somebody to point me out and say, "That's Brother X. He wants to be a woman." I doubt there is anything I could do or say that would ever overshadow that initial impression. But I am a complex person. There is a lot more to me than just three letters. You can't say GID and suddenly know everything about me. I love my wife and kids. I love the works of Bach and Isaiah and Victor Hugo. I love the judicial opinions of Justice Hugo Black. Above all, I love my Savior Jesus Christ. The three letters GID do not tell you all that. And while those feelings have been important in defining who I am, and have led me to learn some very important lessons, you are right that in the resurrection, the torment will be gone. So if I define myself wholly in terms of that torment, I have defined myself by a transient, mortal factor, which would leave me as empty as those who find their identities in this world's goods. Thank you both for visiting. Smantha, I sent you an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you.

MoSop, I think you really articulated something that I didn’t articulate very well. When somebody new moves into our ward (which happens pretty frequently—we have a fairly transient ward), I don’t want somebody to point me out and say, “That’s Brother X. He wants to be a woman.” I doubt there is anything I could do or say that would ever overshadow that initial impression. But I am a complex person. There is a lot more to me than just three letters. You can’t say GID and suddenly know everything about me. I love my wife and kids. I love the works of Bach and Isaiah and Victor Hugo. I love the judicial opinions of Justice Hugo Black. Above all, I love my Savior Jesus Christ. The three letters GID do not tell you all that. And while those feelings have been important in defining who I am, and have led me to learn some very important lessons, you are right that in the resurrection, the torment will be gone. So if I define myself wholly in terms of that torment, I have defined myself by a transient, mortal factor, which would leave me as empty as those who find their identities in this world’s goods.

]]> By: Samantha http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/being-alone/#comment-80 Samantha Sat, 12 Jul 2008 03:08:50 +0000 http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/?p=31#comment-80 I have some things I'd like to share with you, but not in your comments section. I think they might help you feel less alone. If you're comfortable, please send me an email address at which I may contact you. one_bewitched@yahoo.com I have some things I’d like to share with you, but not in your comments section. I think they might help you feel less alone. If you’re comfortable, please send me an email address at which I may contact you.

one_bewitched@yahoo.com

]]> By: mormonsoprano http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/being-alone/#comment-79 mormonsoprano Fri, 11 Jul 2008 21:32:06 +0000 http://sweetisthepeace.wordpress.com/?p=31#comment-79 <i>"I suspect that if we could see into each others’ souls, I would not be the only one with a secret pain"</i> This is absolutely true! Every person (LDS and non) struggle with hidden pains that make us different than anyone else. I have personally gone through this and learned it is best to be very selective in whom I share things with. It used to be focused upon the worry of judgment/gossip, that you have listed. However, my main reason now is that I have moved beyond it, and I do not want to allow my past or my struggles to continually haunt my progress. If God does not remember our sins any longer after repentance, then there is no reason to allow anyone else to do so. And even if we have not "sinned" per say, we should not be labeled by our struggles. The sum of who we really are is not limited to the pain, trials, or addictions we may carry, but rather we are the sum of the soul we were before birth plus the process of our earthly education. Life is about taming the "natural man" and woman in all of us. Mortality brings complicated passions and desires of the flesh. The people I know closest in this life each carry a serious heartache or pain. Anorexia, depression, schizophrenia, alcoholism, pornography addiction, cheating spouse, gambling addiction, financial crises, death of a loved one by suicide, severe illness, and the list continues... all of which are subjects that make people very uncomfortable to discuss and do not fit in well with the ideals we hold up for gospel living. Even the very best and brightest LDS and non-LDS people can make the most inappropriate comments or judgments because they just don't understand the complicated issue. And you cannot truly understand anyone's load unless you carry it or have walked next to someone helping them carry it. None of these issues are WHO these people are, but all of these people have grown from the struggle of dealing with the issue. We know that none of these conditions will go with us after we die, therefore it is not WHO we are. From an LDS perspective, the same holds true with GID. We do not believe it is WHO you were before this life, and we do not believe it will continue afterwards. You may be one of the few so far who accept and understand that. It is just a part of your earthly experience. I carry my own deep struggles, personally along with those closest to me I have mentioned. I have felt very much alone in the unique situation of my life trials. However, I have been led to those who struggle with similar issues and have been able to help them and listen to them from an experienced standpoint. I am positive the Lord will do the same for you. Your blog is beautiful. I know that there is a reason you have created it. Perhaps it is only for your personal growth and to promote understanding and compassion in others. Perhaps it will be the "If you build it, they will come" principle. Either way, please don't get discouraged. None of us are really alone in our trials. As you have already expressed, no one understands these feelings of 'loneliness in the crowd' better than our Savior. And only He has carried our specific burdens. “I suspect that if we could see into each others’ souls, I would not be the only one with a secret pain”

This is absolutely true! Every person (LDS and non) struggle with hidden pains that make us different than anyone else. I have personally gone through this and learned it is best to be very selective in whom I share things with. It used to be focused upon the worry of judgment/gossip, that you have listed. However, my main reason now is that I have moved beyond it, and I do not want to allow my past or my struggles to continually haunt my progress. If God does not remember our sins any longer after repentance, then there is no reason to allow anyone else to do so. And even if we have not “sinned” per say, we should not be labeled by our struggles. The sum of who we really are is not limited to the pain, trials, or addictions we may carry, but rather we are the sum of the soul we were before birth plus the process of our earthly education. Life is about taming the “natural man” and woman in all of us. Mortality brings complicated passions and desires of the flesh.

The people I know closest in this life each carry a serious heartache or pain. Anorexia, depression, schizophrenia, alcoholism, pornography addiction, cheating spouse, gambling addiction, financial crises, death of a loved one by suicide, severe illness, and the list continues… all of which are subjects that make people very uncomfortable to discuss and do not fit in well with the ideals we hold up for gospel living.

Even the very best and brightest LDS and non-LDS people can make the most inappropriate comments or judgments because they just don’t understand the complicated issue. And you cannot truly understand anyone’s load unless you carry it or have walked next to someone helping them carry it. None of these issues are WHO these people are, but all of these people have grown from the struggle of dealing with the issue.

We know that none of these conditions will go with us after we die, therefore it is not WHO we are. From an LDS perspective, the same holds true with GID. We do not believe it is WHO you were before this life, and we do not believe it will continue afterwards. You may be one of the few so far who accept and understand that. It is just a part of your earthly experience. I carry my own deep struggles, personally along with those closest to me I have mentioned. I have felt very much alone in the unique situation of my life trials. However, I have been led to those who struggle with similar issues and have been able to help them and listen to them from an experienced standpoint. I am positive the Lord will do the same for you. Your blog is beautiful. I know that there is a reason you have created it. Perhaps it is only for your personal growth and to promote understanding and compassion in others. Perhaps it will be the “If you build it, they will come” principle. Either way, please don’t get discouraged. None of us are really alone in our trials. As you have already expressed, no one understands these feelings of ‘loneliness in the crowd’ better than our Savior. And only He has carried our specific burdens.

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